Diddy is still, understandably so, working through the loss of his children's mother Kim Porter.
On Thursday (May 9), Essence released audio from their May cover story interview, which was featured on its podcast "Yes, Girl" podcast, with the now "full-time dad," in honor of their historic decision to put him, a man, on the cover of the issue in celebration of Mother's Day.
The 27-minute podcast episode featured clips of Puff's previous interview, conducted by his friend and filmmaker Dream Hampton, who at one point asked his plans for this year's Mother's Day — his first without Kim since her sudden passing in November — bringing the 49-year-old music mogul to tears.
"Mother's day is going to hurt," he admitted. "We're definitely going to celebrate all the mothers. We're not going to get in the way of that, but honestly. anybody that's lost a mother, a soulmate, it takes time... They say time heals all wounds, [but] when it comes to your mother I don't think that's the case. And that's not a negative thing, 'cause as people we need wounds."
"I don't know what I'm gonna do," Diddy continued, sobbing. "I'm gonna figure something out, though. This hurts so much. I know that people want to hear like, the good stuff...it hurts. There ain't no way around that...I wanted to do [the interview] 'cause I wanted to let everybody know just how special all the mothers are. I don't think anybody could ever understand how hard it is to be a black mother. I think we have the strongest beings. When it comes to a category of who has the strongest beings on the face of the earth, it would have to be black mothers."
Kim and Diddy were on-and-off for 13 years, finally calling it quits on their romantic relationship in 2007. The two shared three children together — son Christian, 21, and twin daughters Jessie James, 12, and D’Lila, 12. Diddy also helped raise Kim's son Quincy, 27, from a previous relationship. He is also father to son Justin, 25, and daughter Chance, 13, from previous relationships.
As previously reported, Kim was found dead at her Los Angeles area home due to lobar pneumonia, which is the inflammation of an entire lobe of the lungs, on November 15. "It was a total shock and a surprise and it really, really woke me up just as far as it just turned everything upside down," Diddy said of her death. "It was the craziest, most traumatic thing I've ever been through. When they say it hits home or cuts deep or your world gets turned upside down, it was all of that in one."
While Diddy admitted he doesn't regret how things panned out between him and Kim, he acknowledged that he could have been more truthful about his feelings. "I wasn't being honest, all the way, honest with my love for her, to myself and even to other people that I was in a relationship with," he said. "I don't have no regrets how things went. They went the way God wanted them to go. But I was playing with love and it's not really to be played with. I definitely took for granted that she would just be with me forever. I took for granted that something like this could happen."
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