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Strawberry Letter- Marriage Ultimatum or Baby Without My Name

 
Strawberry Letter- Marriage Ultimatum or Baby Without My Name
Posted March 17th, 2014 @ 10:13am

Dear Steve and Shirley,

I am a 33 year old man who is currently engaged to a 30 year old woman. We met on New Year's Day 2014 and began dating exclusively from that moment. The chemistry between us was great in the beginning, which is why it was so easy to start a relationship with her. I have one child, a nine month old from a previous relationship. My fiance has two young daughters, ages five and nine, from two past relationships. Her oldest does have somewhat of a relationship with her father; however the youngest does not because he is married and his wife is not accepting of his child. There is a lot of conflict between my fiance and her oldest daughter's father. I try to stay clear of that. We got engaged a week and a half after we met. Problem #1: She has shared things about her past with me and the things she has told me do not add up. I told her that I wouldn't judge her, because we all have a past. When the things she shares with me are conflicting it makes me question her. I've told many times that before we get married we need to have grown up conversations about child rearing, finances, career, and life goals, etc. to ensure we are on the same page. Steve, I admit that we moved very quickly and didn't get a chance to know each other well. I feel like these discussions can minimize the possibility of divorce later. Problem #2: She is a very emotional person and is easily offended. Now, she is pregnant and does not want to have a third child with a man she is not married to. I respect and understand that. I tried to slow things down until we are on one accord. She thinks that I don't want to marry her when I bring up these issues. She asked if we would be married by the time she is three months pregnant, and if not, she was not going to give the child my last name. If we got married after the baby was born then we could change it later. I feel like she is giving me an ultimatum. I don't do well with threats, and don't want to be forced to make this commitment knowing we are not on the same page. I have never told her that I did not want to marry her, but I am losing interest because of the ultimatum. I don't think marriage should be forced. How do I make her understand that marriage is a major commitment and vow with God, not a simple relationship?

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