Dear Steve and Shirley,
I am forty-two years old, I have four children, and a bady daddy that just won't go away. We have been knowing each other since we were eleven years old. I love him very much and we have this on again and off again relationship for as long as I can remember. I finally put my foot down and left him in 1993, I got married in 2001, and got divorced in 2006 but for some reason he always seem to find out personal stuff about me. He has a girlfriend whom he's been with since I left him in 1993. He found out about my divorce, smooth talked his way back into my life and we have been intimate ever since. Now it has got to the point to where I'm ready for a commitment, he's forty-four and still not ready. He says he loves me, he wants to marry me but I might change on him. How can I change on him if we've been knowing each other since we were eleven years old, I mean dam he should know me by now. I know that this relationship is not going anywhere. I'm not getting any younger and I'm tired and ready to move on. However, he threatens me, I never took his threats serious but now for some reason I think he's serious about carrying it out. I have told my friends if anything happens to me look at him first. I've met someone who I like a lot but because he watches my every move I can't even have a decent relationship with him. He even told me that he used to watch me when I was married, and I know its true because he told me about a particular day with my husband, that is crazy. He has a great relationship with the kids, and I think that that is his excuse to see me but all he wants to do is have sex with me. I told him I feel like I'm just his sex toy and nothing else. He said no you're very special to me and "I should be happy that he still wants me after all these years he gets a rush just thinking about me." I'm tired and I'm scared too. I've never had a problem with leaving him. I don't know if I'm caught up or caught off guard but for some reason this time is different. I'm not trying to cause any problems with his current relationship. I just want him gone out of my life so I can move on. I make comments about my male friend but it doesn't even phase him. For some reason he doesn't take me serious he really thinks that this other man doesn't exist and that I'm just making it up. Help what should I do?